Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
