I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
