Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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