p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I could make wine with my vomit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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