nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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