i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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