Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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