i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
