The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
