You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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