a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
