there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's blow job season.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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