i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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