I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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