I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
