Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
