I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
