Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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