i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
