can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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