what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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