I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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