i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
