True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
