so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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