I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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