Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
