I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
