11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
