Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
