I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
