She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
