Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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