i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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