As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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