if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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