I seem to have left my pride at pride
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
