I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
