My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
