You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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