you guys were way drunker than both of me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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