Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Randomize
