I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
