four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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