I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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