it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
