smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im six kinds of drunk right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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