No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
