dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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