i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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