And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
