Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
