Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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