that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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