Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
3pm strippers are depressing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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