i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
