Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
