Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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