im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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