i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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