i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
