I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i now understand why vodka
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
