Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
