i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
