You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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